My name is Cindie Rolse, I’m fondly called “Sisi”. I am a tall, fair and slender lady. I’m happily single but praying for a life partner. Well, I guess I have made enough introduction about myself. I actually want to share with you the difference between the life I lived in 2017 and 2018.
I appeared so confident and people think I had no worries. You know why? Because I am jovial. I play around, crack jokes, and throw tantrums in public and what have you? I don’t care about your worries, my aim is to put smile on every face and make light serious matters. “Life is too short”, that’s my motto so I must enjoy it while it lasts.
Well, people didn’t know I was empty. Yeah, I felt empty and knew deep down within me. I covered up the emptiness with my silly jokes and tantrums. I laughed in public while I cried in secret; I was bold during the day and fearful at night; I was neat on the outside but stinking on the inside; I was tall physically but short spiritually; I felt like a giant in the world but a dwarf in my world; I was light skinned but dark hearted. All because I carried the weight of my sins and shame without realizing a price had been paid for them. Oh yes, I was tied down with the weight of lies, cheating, fornication, abortion, masturbation, pornography, clubbing, bribery, conspiracy, malice, evil-speaking and all sorts, my dear, the list is endless.
Hmmm, I forgot to mention earlier that I was a Protocol Officer in the church I worship. I was fondly called “Sister Cindie” on Sunday mornings and “Slay Mama” on Friday nights. I was envied by people but was weary of myself. I was tired and worn-out by my sins but couldn’t stop them no matter how hard I tried. I sought for solution but couldn’t find any. I gave counsel to others but found none to offer myself. My eyes cried for help but none could see my pain not even my Pastor. I lacked peace and happiness. The year was coming to an end and I still couldn’t find a solution to my problem of many years. I braced up and went for the cross-over service as usual, at least I was better than those who spent the last moments of the year drinking and clubbing, so I thought.
I got back from the cross-over service at the early hours of the first day in the year. My eyes were heavy with sleep, so I decided to take a short nap before sending a broadcast message to my friends, colleagues and acquaintances to wish them a happy new year as . And then, I had a dream.
I saw myself dressed in rags and in shackles. My feet ached, they were sore as a result of walking barefooted on a ground filled with sharp objects. My mouth was covered with blisters, I cried for help but could only hear the echoes of my voice as response. All hope was lost. Suddenly, I saw a being which looked more like a dragon; the more I cried, the more he mocked me. I knew it was over as there is none who can deliver me. I turned to my right and then I saw the cross.
“That must be Jesus”, I screamed. I told Him how much I have heard of Him, the stories I had read on how he helped wretched men and then I queried why He never helped me, I enquired on why he just kept watching me suffer. I enquired why He allowed the wicked one to control my life even after all I had done in His vineyard.
He answered “You never asked for help”.
I cried in return “I thought you knew, I thought you saw I needed help and refused to help me. Are you not the All-Knowing One?”
And then He said, “I want you to ask for help beloved”.
I was disappointed and responded, “I had always done that”.
He enquired “how and when beloved? because I never heard you request for help”.
I then replied “I pray every morning; I give alms to the needy, I read the Psalms daily; I fast once every month; I go to church every Sunday; I pay my tithes regularly; I serve in your vineyard…”
Just then the dragon gave a hysterical laughter.
The Savior nodded in agreement and replied “All these you did but never asked for help”.
I was confused, I bowed my head and wept. I said “Jesus, please have mercy on me, I did all that because I was taught that I would have a place in your kingdom if I do them. I was taught that once I believed on the name Jesus, my sins matters no more. I was told you would overlook all my shortcomings if I serve diligently in your vineyard. I was never taught to ask expressly for help. I was misled Lord. But now I want to ask for help, how can I?”
Just then the dragon began to drag the shackles; oh, it hurt so badly.
I wailed and all I could hear the Savior say was “If thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved. For with the heart, man believeth unto righteousness; and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation. (Romans 10 verse 9 and 10)”.
I woke up sweating profusely and was so afraid. I took my bible and read Romans 10 verse 9 and 10. As I was about to pray, I got an anonymous text message which read “Repent ye therefore and be converted, that your sins may be blotted out, when the times of refreshing shall come from the presence of the Lord”. I cried for mercy like I had never done. I confessed my sins and begged God for forgiveness. I accepted the death of Christ on the cross and believed in his atoning blood.
Hmmm, 2018 was a year with a difference. I got the best New Year gift ever. Since then, I have been experiencing peace like a river. The things I used to do, I no longer do them. I found the true way, Jesus. My life never remained the same and those around me saw the difference. I now know what Christianity really mean. And I have never ceased to tell others about Jesus. For He said in John 14 verse 6 that “I am the way, the truth and the life. No man cometh unto the father but by me”.
Don’t you want to be like me? What are you waiting for then, come to Jesus as He alone is the answer to all your problems. He can save you from sin and give you grace to be His son/daughter.
By Christiana Okafor; April 2020.
Photo Credit: Google
PS: Names, Character and Events used in this story are fictitious. Any resemblance to actual persons or events is completely coincidental.